Pigeon Pie Shoot

The Hastings Honourable Society of Pigeon Pie Shootists

The ancient sport of Pigeon Pie Shooting was again revived this weekend at the country estate of Looming Disaster where the Honourable Society Of Pigeon Pie Shootists met for their annual charity ‘shoot’. The history of the sport has been covered in depth elsewhere, notably in Pigeon Pie Shooting the Ultimate Guide, the History, Customs and Accidents of the Sport 1782-1891, by B. A. Dove, but it is worthwhile recounting the origins of the sport, if only for those readers not conversant with it. It is maintained that in 1782 a farmer, living near Hastings in Sussex, unable to stab into his pigeon pie prized the lid off and threw the unwanted piece of hard pastry through the window. Sir Cooing, the local landowner of some importance, seeing the lid spin through the air raised his ancient shotgun and fired. Despite being a mediocre shot and using an antiquated flintlock firearm, the piecrust shattered into a myriad of crumbs. Elated by his success he rushed home as fast as his gout infested legs would carry him and ordered his kitchen to cook as many pigeon pie crusts as they could, then spent the next 48 hours attempting to shoot the lids thrown out of the window by his tireless servant. For the next 50 years it was customary for a ‘thrower’ to lob a piecrust through a window frame erected in the middle of a field, but now both the ‘thrower’ and the window frame have been dispensed with due to the introduction of the Patent Piecrust Catapult. This ingenious contraption, powered by powerful elastic bands, ensures that no two lobs are either in the same direction or of the same force, due to a cleverly contrived randomiser action. The machine is so well regarded that nothing of importance has yet bettered it, although many have tried, but failed. Its only disadvantage is its tendency to produce ‘wild’ lobs on occasions, which has resulted in a number of serious accidents to unexpecting bystanders (see Dove’s book for a full account). This year no accidents occurred due the random action of the Catapult, but, as at all shoots, there were a few eventful dramas. Mr Galless Esquire of Fairlight retired with a badly bruised shoulder after double shotting his piece, a careless, but forgivable mistake considering his condition. Miss Squab of Hollington was badly spun around by the recoil upon firing her four barrel Canon-buster Special, delivering a most powerful blow to the recorders skull and knocking him senseless for a period of 10 minutes and holding up the whole shoot. Overall it was an excellent occasion despite the competition being won by an eleven year old girl, Ima Chosenman, who on her own admission had entered the competition by mistake and had never, ever, touched, let alone fired, even a fowling piece before in her life. Her score of 98 out of 100 piecrusts was a new society record. The few grumblings and mutterings by the much more experienced and older shootists however were soon dispensed with when it was realised the prize, a barrel of Hastings Strong and Dark Ale, was of no use to Ima, being child, and was happily consumed by all and sundry including the more experienced drinkers. Also it was noted that since Ima had been unable to accept the prize then the record was also forfeited, so, once again, it stands at 48 out of 100 as it has always been since 1801. Any humiliation was therefore quickly forgotten as the excellent Hastings Ale was quaffed with many a toast and the sun slowly descended towards the horizon with a faint hiss.